I have retired.
I gave my wife one year notice before doing so. For months prior to the date, I fed her spreadsheet after spreadsheet showing where we were financially. Her response was always the same.
“You’re lying. You pulled these numbers out of your ass. You just want to retire and we’ll have nothing.” she said.
She fussed and cursed and cried.
“You’re not ready!” she exclaimed.
Fact was, she wasn’t ready. Two months after the official date, I met with my financial advisor. We went through the usual checks; expenses, income, budget, assets. Then my wife wanted to sit in.
Assets. Her eyes enlarged. "Really??” she asked. “Really.” was the answer.
After all the discussions ended, my wife had one question.
“When do I get control of my half?”
Silence.
“You know. When do I get to have my half of his retirement savings?” she repeated.
“Um… Mrs. Albernathy, you do not have control of his retirement funds. You are not a participant in the fund. If you expect to own half, the only way is if your husband gave you that…” the advisor says, looking at me as I shake my head no, “...or that you are divorcing and you were then awarded 50%. In either case, however, there would be penalties and taxes since the IRS would consider either case a dustribution…”
“What? “
“Yes, probably in the order of fifty percent…”
My wife rises slowly from her chair, her face a blank. She turns, opens the door, and walks out without saying a word.
Later, laying in bed that night, she turns to me and says “I’m scared here. I don’t feel safe. I’m thinking of buying a gun and getting a permit.”
Suddenly, I’m the one scared…
