-----Original Message-----
From: Rubbin, B.J.
Sent: Monday, January 24, 2010 1:01 PM
To: Glastnost Dot Bootros
Subject: Money for candy
Dear Dot Bootros -
Some kind soul had locked the "candy' up over the weekend - I put it back out and put the five $1 under the candy.
OK?
------------------------- ***** -------------------------
To: B.J. Ribbin
Subject: Money for candy
Uhhhh ... no.
Here's your instructions . . .
1. Bury the candy. Take it out in the back, behind the Airport will do just fine - somewhere between the end of the control tower and the end of the runway. Someplace I can't get to it. Bury it deep... 20 feet or so. If you need help we can get maintenance to help dig. Mark the spot with an 'X' just in case.
2. Take the money and buy a parrot. Put it on your shoulder and go to Fells Point at noon. Someone there will offer to buy it from you. Ask $250.00. You might get $300 - depends on whether the parrot curses or not.
3. Go into one of the bars along the waterfront. Buy all the guys in there a drink with the money from the parrot sale. Since it's only noon and there are guys in the bar already, they must be lushes so one drink should suffice. Once they have drank your kind libation, ask if there's anyone that could help with a girl's cab fare home. Bat you eye lashes to emphasis your sincerity. All the drunks, err.. guys, will throw money at you. Take it. When the only coins hitting the floor are pennys, leave the bar.
4. Take the water taxi over to the Domino's Sugar factory. You can see the sign from Canton.
5. Buy all the sugar the money from the bar will allow. Keep enough money to get a water taxi back to the Inner Harbor. Ask them to put the sugar in little plastic baggies for you. They will. They like their customers.
6. Take the sugar by Water Taxi to the amphitheater at the harbor. Spread out your little bags of sugar on top of the sea wall. Soon, people will start asking you questions like "Wazzit" and "owmuch". Ignore them. If someone thrust money in you hand and takes a baggie, let them. Pretty soon your sugar should be all gone and you should have - oh - $45,000 in cash.
7. If a cop asks "What cha' doin, here?" answer "Just giving sugar to the tourist, hon." Make sure you add the 'hon' or he'll think you're a hooker and ask for some action. Cops are a pest.
8. Take the $45,000 across Pratt Street to T. Rowe Price at The Brokerage. Ask to speak to a woman named Marge. She has tall blue hair. Can't miss her. Give her the money - buy 1 share of Berkshire Hathaway stock.
9. Walk to the end of the office floor. Ask for a man named Bart. Sell your one share of Berkshire Hathaway stock. By this time it should have rose 500%.
10. Get a cashier's check made payable to me.
11. I'll pick it up when I see you at the tonight.
12. If not, put the map with the 'X' into inter-office mail. I'll have to get someone else to do it . . .
